Relationship Advice for my Children

People often scoff at relationship advice that I may offer with a statement similar to;

"What do you know about women/dating/relationships? You've been married over 20 years!  Things have changed."

**ackhem**  You know what, you're right.  What would I know about any of that? **ackhem**

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Not that I have all of the answers, because frankly, you could have all of the right motives, beliefs, actions and answers for a great relationship.  If the other person isn't there or doesn't hold those same values, well I'm sorry.  It's not going to work.  That is just a simple fact.

So, in light of that.  What advice would I, Scott Bridwell, give my children about relationships.

1. Learn to Love You - you will never be able to fully love someone else if you don't have an emotionally healthy for yourself.
2. Learn to Enjoy the Single Life - First, if you don't love yourself and can't stand being by yourself, then you will never love someone else as they are meant to be.  In addition if you can't enjoy being by yourself, imagine this...not only are you with you still, now you're with someone who probably doesn't like being around you either.  Being single provides you with a lot of opportunities that are not there when you have a relationship.  You're able to travel at your convenience, your finances are in your total control and yet you still have the freedom to build great friendships with amazing people.
3. Never, Never, Never let your identity be defined by someone else - It is true that many people know me and my wife as one and that is okay.  What would not be okay of either of us allowed our entire self to be defined by the other.  We are unique individuals, it would be wrong not to explore that gift and use it to the betterment of the world.  We should not be held back by our partners, nor should we hold them back from being what they were destined to be.
4. In a Relationship, someone always leaves - This is a cold hard fact of life.  Look, nothing on this side of death is meant to last forever.  No building, no country and no relationship.  Things happen, and if you have tied your entire self worth to the other person, what do you do when they leave.  Oh, but we're different, we would never leave each other.  We said, "till death do us part" and we mean it.  Hello???  Death is one of the ways someone leaves.  A car accident could put them in a coma, a job could take them away for months on end.  Leaving isn't always defined as divorce.

Bottom line is this.  The only thing that you can truly control in a relationship, any relationship, whether it is work, friend or intimate, is what you put in to it.  Even then there is no promise that you will reap what you sow.  However, if you have taken the time to develop you and the life you love, you then have the opportunity to invite someone along for the journey and when they leave, because remember they will.  You will still have you and the life you love.

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