Today, I want to share with you a few tips of making it through your ‘man cold’ with what I refer to as the ‘Man Cold Survival Kit’. Many of the items I’m going to list you can keep in your dopp bag (shaving kit) and others you may already have. However, the first item I am going to list is a bit reclusive and in the rare case you can find it, a bit...ummmm...shall we say...unpredictable. So, with that being said, I urge you to proceed...but do so cautiously.
- A Good Woman - Let’s face it, there are very few things better in life than the soft comforting embrace of a good woman when you are not feeling well. Women like to brag about how they are by nature caregivers and nurturers. Now, thanks to the feminazi movements in this country, finding a ‘Good Woman’ is a rare thing. But they are out there, so when you do find one, build into her and treat her good. That way when you do get sick she won’t see taking care of you as a chore, but as a pleasure.
- A Tiny Bell - So, to go along with a good woman I would suggest you get a tiny bell. This way, if you’re too weak to get up or your voice is not doing so well, you can ring her and let her know that you are in need. Then when she comes to you she can rub your head and sing “Soft Kitty” or say something like “Poor Little Bunny”
Don’t think she’ll be offended by this. Like I mentioned, a “Good Woman” by nature in a caregiver and nurturer. Anything less than that is not worthy of the title “Good Woman”
- Electric Blanket and Remote - Whether feverish or not, very few things feel better than being warm and comfortable when you are sick. That along with the remote will surprisingly help you survive what very well may seem like your impending demise.
- Food - When fighting a sickness you body is expending a lot of energy...as tired as you may seem you need to eat. I have found that rich and spicy broth’s work magic. My favorite thing to do is find a local Vietnamese Restaurant and order Pho’. If you have time, let the server know you are sick and they’ll hook you up.
- Medicine - Keep in mind medicine is not there to heal as much as it is there to relieve. Many people like cold medicine, but I do not. Cold medicine is just a bad tasting vehicle to administer cheap alcohol to my system. Therefore, I prefer to just drink the alcohol I like, which is usually 2 to 3 fingers of a mid-shelf burbon or scotch no ice and just a splash of water. Look, the goal here is not to get tattered. The goal is to assist your body in letting you relax and rest.
Important note: Drink a lot of fluids, this will help in riding your body of that sickness as well, especially if you do have a fever and sweat.
- Hot Soak - Not everyone has a hot tub but most people do have at least a bathtub. After, you’ve finished your rich broth, ring the bell to let your Good Woman know that you are ready for your medicine. Once she brings that to you she’ll go and draw you that hot bath so that you can soak in it as you sip your medicine.
- Note: I know that many of you men are just big old tubby tubbies and can’t fit into your bathtub. For you I would suggest two things. First, quit eating so much crap and lose the weight. Second, retire to the comfort of your Electric Blanket.
There you have it, Six things that will help you survive your man cold.
How do you properly use your survival kit?
You feel the sickness coming on...now is the time to make sure your kit is up to par. First thing you do is tell your woman, then go and get your Bell and make your way to the couch. By the time you get there she should have the Electric Blanket plugged in and the remote ready. As you are snuggling in for your fight. She then then prepares the Broth or Soup for your to enjoy. Once you’re finished eating it’s time for your medicine. Now, if she is not sitting on the couch with your head resting against her, simply ring the bell. This will let her know to bring you your medicine and prepare your hot soak. Now, this next part is very important, do not forget to take your bell with you to the tub. You may need to refill your medicine, or let her know to throw your towel and robe in the dryer so it will be ready when you get out. Then back to the couch and repeat as necessary.
Oh and for you women that just do not understand how serious a "man cold" can be. Here you go:
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